7 Smart Ways To Test Your Relationship: How To Know If It’s Love Or A Mere Lust
‘I love you’ are 3 words most people love to hear, especially the female folks. But instinctively, ‘I love you’ suggest different things to both sexes.
Most women feel that when a man says ‘I love you,’ he should express passion, obsession, commitment, partnership, and perhaps be willing to climb seven hills or even face the beast of Ephesus just to make them smile. Ironically, the opposite is what most ladies experience.
‘I love you’ really does not always mean passion and commitment to men. When an average man says ‘I love you,’ most times, he means: ‘I like your body,’ ‘I want to have sex,’ ‘I want to kiss you,’ ‘I like your brains, or abilities.’
Most men profess love to women by bringing them into their fantasies, rather than seeing who those women really are. Sometimes a man imagines how ‘sweet’ a woman would be on the bed, or how much favour he would get from her, and afterwards would feel connected to her. From these raging desires and thoughts, most times, emanates the confession of love. And once the sexual hormones are triggered, a man would stop at nothing till he satisfies himself.
The obvious sign is frequent sexual demands or requests for private pictures. They would bring up regular erotic discussions, and would get angry, shut you out or even check out emotionally the instant you let them down.
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The immediate result is that, the relationship begins to die just after sex. For distant relationships, they die after the exchange of private pictures, phone sex, or after a few weeks of chats.
It’s easy to fall for just anybody if your ‘turn on’ words are simply ‘I love you.’
Test Your Relationship
You’re going to get yourself hurt if you don’t test your relationship. Guys know what ladies love to hear, and they say it often for benefits.
Nice people are not always just nice, and caring people do it at times for benefits. Watch out for signs.
Lust Warning Signs
The existence of the following factors indicates that what you have is not love, but lust, because:
- Lust focuses on the physical features: When you’re totally focused on a person’s looks and body.
- Lust focuses on short time benefits: No commitment or sign of future plans, it’s just to have fun.
- Lust is passionate about having sex: You’re interested in having sex, and nothing else matters.
- The moment having sex becomes a proof of love, then, it’s not love.
- Lust only fulfills fantasies: You’d pretty keep the relationship based on your fantasies and not on real feelings.
- Lust does not bother about connection, intimacy and friendship: You want to leave soon after sex, rather than having meaningful discussions, cuddling, or waiting to give supports.
- Lust ‘uses’ the other person: You always want to see the other person only when you have needs.
The presence of these factors signals love, because:
- Love, on the other hand focuses on having emotional connection, passion, commitment, friendship and intimacy.
- Love focuses on the future. You see yourselves achieving certain things together in the future. You always talk about the future.
- Love is not centered on sex. You want to spend quality time together [to care, gist, solve each other’s problems, have emotional connection, etc.] other than to have sex.
- Love connects. You get lost in sweet conversations and would not keep record of time. Five hours would seem like 40 minutes.
- Love truly cares. You want to honestly solve each other’s problems, listen to each other’s feelings, and make each other happy.
- Love inspires for greatness. He or she motivates you to be a better person.
- Love wants more. You want to get to meet his or her family and friends. You’d really want to be seen or known with your lover.
- Love gives [gifts, time, money, support, advice, etc.]. In fact, there cannot be love without giving. The opposite is however possible.
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Signs Of A Bad Relationship
You have a bad relationship if you notice the following:
- You have a never-ending strange sense of caution. Your instinct says something is not right.
- You feel fear most times. Even when you don’t see anything, you just feel troubled.
- You have a sense of discontent, uneasiness, or you feel weary after you’re together.
- There is no depth of understanding or connection. You mostly feel confused, not knowing how to really treat your lover.
- You can be together for hours without having or knowing what to say.
- You are mostly not yourself around your lover.
- You’re uncomfortable with how this person treats you, but you’re afraid to mention it. You feel they might just leave.
- You really cannot connect with or love the person, not matter how hard you try.
- You don’t matter much to the person. He or she has another lover and would generally do things without considering your feelings.
What If It’s Not Love?
Well, lust sometimes could lead to love, but in rare cases. Most times, it just dies.
If a relationship isn’t what you want, it is wisdom to walk out of it. I have counselled a good number of people with bad relationships who are not willing to let it go.
I know it is difficult for a lot of people, especially the female folks who get pressured by the society, family and friends to get married and settled. Howbeit, it is important to get things right.
The reason a lot of marriages go bad is because one of the couples refused to walk out of a bad relationship that transitioned to marriage.
A bad marriage is mostly the product of a bad relationship. It’s like a bad tooth; the pain is endless. And I think you don’t want to experience it.
What do you do to a bad tooth? Take it out!
You can talk to me if you’re confused. I’m always here to help.
Join me on BBMC [Lovers Lounge] for a one-on-one relationship talk.
Use this link: http://pin.bbm.com/C00183DE4 or this pin: C00183DE4.
Speak Your Mind: Have you ever had a relationship that was forged from lust? Share your experience in the comment box below.