There are two key things that keep people in relationships: Love and Connection.

You connect first, and then you love.

When love begins to die, which is not uncommon amongst lovers, the connection can cause a spark of love, or at least, help lovers sail through tough moments. But where there’s no connection, then, it’s easy to fall out of love and stay apart.

Here are four ways you can stay connected with you lover and keep your love life sizzling hot.

#1. Make your Lover’s hobbies your hobbies, or at least, develop an interest in some of them.

Is your spouse a football lover? Do they love singing and dancing? Do they love writing? Whatever they love should be your area of interest. You don’t have to like what they do, but if you love them enough and you want to keep your relationship, then it’s smart to develop an interest in their interests.

Here’s how it works: your lover loves to do certain things; sometimes he or she has to call his or her friends for opinions. Sometimes he has to go out to hook up with friends, simply because you two don’t share certain interests.

Sometimes they don’t talk to you because they need time to concentrate on getting certain things done and you feel isolated, neglected… You feel bad and abandoned.

The dynamics of your relationship will change once you develop the interest in your lover’s hobbies. You will begin to share useful ideas instead of the long demoralizing silence. They will ask you questions instead of calling their friends. They will stay more at home because you guys have more ways to relate in meaningful and productive ways. More so, your communication line will be active and healthy. You will ultimately feel loved and it will make you happy.

#2. Help your lover solve his/her problems. This is very fundamental to the health of your relationship. Your lover has challenges – they come with change, age, position, and growth. And sometimes they are pressured with deadlines, decisions, complex tasks or projects.
It’s smart to know what phase of life they are in per time. Ask questions, figure out what next step they want to take, figure out what their challenges are, and then make concrete plans to help them sail through tough moments.

Pay a professional to help them if it’s possible. Sit with them and solve specific problems together. Research on their project, tell them what they are missing and what step they should take. Get involved, get active, and make life easy for them.

Look, this will work wonders in your relationship. You’d simply become indispensable as their world would be built around you and loving you, therefore, becomes easy. You wouldn’t have to fight or force them to love you; they just will love you.

#3.  Spend quality time together. We are in the era when everybody is busy. The woman comes in at 6pm and the man, 8 pm. The woman has a conference to attend on Saturday and the man has to travel on Sunday morning. The circle continues!

Relationship dies when lovers don’t connect! And how can people connect when they don’t have time for each other? Relationship dies when lovers don’t spend quality time together. And nothing destroys a relationship faster than the lack of communication.

Look, you can’t assume anything in a relationship. It’s dangerous! You can’t expect your lover to understand you’re busy and you can’t blame your lover for the problems you cause. You’re going to hurt your relationship and it’s going to hurt you badly if you don’t have time for it.

It’s not all about your career or making money. In fact, your relationship, especially for the married ones, comes before anything else. And nothing survives without adequate care and attention, not even your relationship will.

Let me tell you why you should invest quality time in your relationship:

a. There are certain things that will only be discussed when your partner knows your state of mind is receptive. A lot of things happen to your lover, some might be quite serious, and there’s no way they will talk to you when you’re not emotionally stable.

Your lover knows when you’re ready to hear them. You need to be with them and connect before they’d open up to you on certain key issues.

b. If you don’t spend time with your lover, you’re not going to discover what’s hurting your relationship. Sometimes you ask your lover what’s wrong with them and they’d say ‘nothing.’ But ‘nothing’ does not always mean ‘nothing’ in relationships. Some ‘nothing’ actually mean something.

Superficial questions won’t get you answers, just as saying you’re sorry without sincerity or lack of remorse won’t effect any change. You need enough time to be with your lover, pacify them and talk heart to heart. That’s when they will open up to you and truly forgive you. There are couples who keep hurts for many years, yet, they live together.  

c. You won’t know when your lover is falling out of love or when they are falling in love with someone else.

Being in love does not stop others from finding you attractive. And being married also won’t stop you from seeing other beautiful, smart, caring, intelligent and charming folks. In fact, the higher you go, the more your temptations would be.

Look, some people really don’t have the habit of cheating. In fact, they dislike it. But when a man has an unchecked relationship with a woman and vice versa, anything can happen.

Spending quality time with your lover can save your heart and your relationship. Your lover won’t open up when things begin to happen with his/her colleague, boss or business associate – at times, they’d feel it’s not going to be serious or that they would handle it well. And you’re not going to find out until it gets out of hand.

Intimacy will give you access to your lover’s phones. You’d even be able to pick their calls and check their messages. Somehow, you’re going to see it when things begin to go wrong.

It will be strange when your lover begins to get home late or when he or she starts hanging with a particular person you’re not aware of.  

Spending quality time with a lover is to a relationship what food is to a man.

#4. Play the romantic games. This, perhaps, is the most important of all.  

When was the last time you say “I love you” to your spouse? You think your spouse knows you love him or her, right?  You should say it every morning and night and thank them for being in your life.

You should appreciate them. Tell them how beautiful they’ve grown to become and how much you have grown to love them. Admire them and always say sweet things to them.  Who doesn’t like it?

When last did you take your spouse out on a date? You’re too busy for that, right? They actually crave for it.

When last did you buy gifts for your spouse? You should get one today. Something they love. It will go a long way.

Have you ever been in a dancing competition with your spouse? You might want to try it. It’s a raw bliss!

Have you tried going out to cool and nice places like the beach, zoological gardens, etc. for a nice time? Have you tried horse riding? Maybe you should.

Have you tried going to the cinema to see movies? It’s nice too; I think you should try it.

Have you ever taken a flower and lunch to your spouse in the office? It’s sweet, please give it a try.

Have you tried swapping house chores with your spouse and see how fast they can get things done? It’s a lot of fun.

Have you ever called a radio station and requested a special song for your spouse? It’s going to melt your lover.

That’s it. Little things matter.

It’s not how much you get that shows how much love you have, but how much you give. Make your lover smile and you sure are going to be happy for it. Connecting with your lover in sweet and unforgettable ways is the key to passion surge and relationship bliss.

Internalize the points, stay in love.

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