Have you ever questioned the reason you mostly enter into bad/toxic relationships? 

Let me guess… you never did. You only blame the guys for being bad… that’s all you do, every time. 

Your relationships ended almost the same way. Think for a second… perhaps, you will recall they all have something in common. And you appear to meet the same kind of people. Men don’t seem to find you marriable, and no matter how hard you try, you just get dumped.

Even when you give your best – your money, your time, your body, your resources, etc. you still get dumped, somehow.

Did I just describe you or someone you know?

This would help.

I’ve seen this happen severally; I’ve had people complain to me about the type of men they meet, they wonder why they keep having contacts, somehow, with the same kind of guys. 

It’s no mystery, you determine who you attract into your life. Read that again… yes, you determine who comes into your life.

You send signals, we all do. And there are certain people who are within your coverage areas [places you mostly visit, like clubs, worship centers, workplace, parties, special events, etc.] who share similar lifestyle as yours. Better still, your lifestyle suit some of them better than others. Those are the set of people who’d connect to your signals and come for you.

How does it work?

1. The way you dress/look.

Certain dresses/appearances appeal more to certain people than others.

Short skirts, long skirts, female trousers, micro mini, cleavage revealing dresses, jewelry usage, makeup application, etc. appeal differently to different people, based on different reasons/factors.

The old maxim, ‘The way you dress is the way you’d be addressed’ stands true here. It’s also true that the way you dress determines who addresses you. In addition, this is also apt; the way you dress determines who you attract. You see, appearance is everything.

I know ladies with poor dressing habit, most of them don’t attract the guys. And the reason is simple – most men are attracted to eye-catching women. If your appearance cannot get the attention of a man, even if you have the character of a saint, you still would miss out.

Appearances come before character. That’s the bitter truth.

On the other hand, certain appearances and dressing project certain wrong images.

When you see some ladies, for instance, what comes straight to your mind is sex! That’s the truth. It’s what their dressing projects. They show off sexuality and that’s the message men receive. Any man who asks such women out is after one thing – sex. 

No matter how such ladies try to win men over, it just won’t work. The foundation is faulty. The primary reason guys are asking them out is for sex and nothing more.

I’m not saying that decently dressed ladies are of higher moral standards than the crazily dressed ones or vice versa. That’s definitely not the point I’m trying to make here. In fact, some crazily dressed ladies are of better standards than some decently dressed ones. But, as I rightly said, looks come before character. And perception is at first sight.

I’m also not saying that the decently dressed ladies won’t have sexual challenges with men, but the truth is, certain ladies I’ve coached are always having this problem and the reason is their style of dressing. We were able to figure it out.

Get wisdom: You can look charming and not cross the line. You can be decently dressed and still look beautiful. I advise you change your style of dressing if you find yourself with this challenge. Change your hair style, make-up, and certain dresses that project you as a sex figure.

It works… Men would begin to see you differently, and maybe decently, and you’d begin to attract decently and surely, different kind of men.

2. You offer yourself too easily.

Here’s another big mistake ladies make. They try to play smart by breaking a major rule.

Let’s reason together…

You have little or no value for things you don’t work hard to get, right? You don’t value cheap things, do you? You know the answers! It’s the same in relationships.

The things that are most important to you are the things that didn’t come your way easily, they are things you cannot easily replace, and you’ve worked hard to get.

Now, desperation, pressure from parents, societal demands, and age make some ladies become yes-yes to guys. They just want to get hooked and would do anything to get married.

Such ladies would offer themselves to any available man. And men really don’t like cheap ladies, it’s the bitter truth. They just would take advantage of such ladies in all possible ways and move on.

You can’t throw yourself at men and expect something serious. You can’t beg men to date you and expect them to marry you. You can’t buy men over… Not with anything! It just won’t work. If they don’t love you, they won’t end up with you, no matter how hard you try.

Get wisdom: Sometimes you don’t find love, you just let love find you. The more desperate you get, the higher your chances of missing out of a good relationship.

Just be yourself, keep your cool and let love find you. Don’t bend your standards, don’t engage in immoral activities because you want to please a man. Just do it right.

Learn from your past… breaking the rule ultimately hurts.

It’s better to be single than end up with the wrong person, trust me when I say that.

3. You give sex as an exchange for love.

How many times have you been told to open your legs as proof of love? I’ve seen ladies fall for it. We both know that sex is not the proof of love. Why do men sleep with prostitutes? It’s definitely not for love.

From my experience as a relationship coach, most of the people who open up for counselling are ladies. Some of them sacrificed heavily, even with their body, yet, they were dumped!

The point is, sex don’t keep men in relationships. In fact, the easier you allow a man sleep with you, the greater your chances of losing the relationship.

Let’s reason this out, too…

If you allow a man sleep with you the first day you meet him, he’d automatically believe it is your lifestyle to sleep with men daily. Can you argue against it?

If you sleep with a man, then he’s right to believe you’d sleep with any other man you meet. Can we say he’s wrong?

If you always want to please a man by giving him crazy sex styles and by sleeping with him intermittently, then he’s right to believe you’re sexually hyper-active and that without him around, you’d find another man to quench your urge.

For those reasons alone, you’re most likely going to lose him.

Get wisdom: Close up your legs. Wait for marriage before you open them up. A serious-minded man won’t dump you because you deny him sex before marriage. In fact, he’d respect and trust you for it.

4. You’re overly demanding.

Well, this is simple, men don’t like to be overly burdened with anything. They don’t like women who wait for them to solve all their problems.

I’ve seen this happen many times. Ladies who don’t have anything doing and who are not working hard to improve the quality of their lives trying hard to push for love. Some of them also are single mothers. Don’t get me wrong now; love doesn’t cost a thing, really, but we all desire people with great values. in case you don’t know, intelligence is sexy, and men find smart women more attractive than the really attractive ones aren’t smart.

Some ladies believe their only responsibility is to make babies. So, their private parts become their selling points. Who will solve their problems? Who will meet all their financial needs? Who will always bear their burdens?

You say love conquers all and the man should always provide for the woman, right? Well, it doesn’t really work that way in real life, not always, and not as much as I know. Men want women of great values and worth; women who would make meaningful [intellectual, physical, financial etc.] contribution to relationships. 

Get wisdom: Develop your life. Grow, learn more and worth more. Work hard and make money for yourself. That way, men will come looking for you. Who says guys don’t like good prospects?

Go back to school if you have to. Learn a trade if you need to. Get a job if it’s what you need. Start a business if it solves your problem. Sign up for a special courses, training, etc. if it is required. Just get yourself together and drive your life.

Along the line, love will find you. It’s better to be found by love than being in search of it.

I hope you get my points.

Internalise the solutions and make your life count.

Rather than running after men, you can have them crawling to be with you. Just change a few things and you’re good to go. I’ve seen this happen with the people I coach, severally, so, I know it works.

If you need my instant help, send me a mail or you chat with me on BBM now. I will be glad to help.

Leave a comment: What are some other wrong things ladies do that make them lose points with guys?

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