I worked with one of the foremost NGOs in Nigeria that helps women and children [Spina Bifida and Hydrocephalus Care Foundation of Nigeria].

I saw a lot of women laden with pain, regret and frustration. I heard terrible stories, some of which one would not naturally imagine.

Some of those situations, though, were preventable, but, the women lacked simple but vital information.

The truth is, ignorance is expensive to manage and that’s the reason I’m going to share 7 vital things every woman should know. If you don’t know these things as a woman, they might hunt you somewhere in the future.

Let Me Lead You To Some Vital Truths…

#1. You should start taking folic acid at child-bearing age [far before pregnancy]. They won’t teach you this in school and you might only be fortunate to know about it when you start your ante-natal, and I tell you, it would be too late then.

One of the adverse effects of insufficient folic acid during pregnancy is the danger of having babies with neural tube defects (NTDs).

NTDs are birth defects that affect the brain (anencephaly) and/or spinal cord (spina bifida). NTDs occur when the tissues that form the brain and spinal cord fail to develop properly. These defects occur in the first four weeks after conception – usually before a woman even knows she is pregnant.

What Is Spina Bifida?

Spina bifida is a neural tube birth defect (NTD) which occurs within the first four weeks of pregnancy. The spinal column fails to develop properly resulting in varying degrees of permanent damage to the spinal cord and nervous system.

Infants born with spina bifida may have an open lesion on their spine where significant damage to the nerves and spinal cord occurs.

What Is Folic Acid And Why Should You Take It?

Folic acid, also known as folate or folacin, is a B vitamin that is essential for the healthy development of a baby’s spine, brain and skull during the early weeks of pregnancy. Folic acid has been proven to help reduce the risk of neural tube defects (NTD’s) by more than 70% if taken before pregnancy.

If you need professional advice or you know a child with this challenge who needs surgical operation, chat with me on BBM. The organisation I worked with do it FREE.

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#2. You don’t determine the sex/gender of your children, your husband does!

The society, somehow has not been fair to women, and some traditions are just too hard on them. When a woman gives birth to 3 or 4 female children, the man’s family, especially the man’s mother would want him to either kick the woman out or get a second wife.

Usually, these would come up after series of insults, embarrassments, frustrating events, and even physical confrontations, many of which the man would usually be silent about.

Gender formation

Here’s how a child’s gender is formed or determined. The woman only has the X chromosome. While the man has both X and Y chromosome.

During the child making process, the woman will always give what she has – X chromosome. It is what the man gives, therefore, that determines the sex of a child.

If the man gives an X chromosome as well, a female child is formed. And if he gives a Y chromosome, then a male child is formed.

X+X= XX is a female child

X+Y= XY is a male child.

You see, having a male child is your husband’s sole responsibility, and not at all yours.

#3. The inability to make babies would not always be your fault, sometimes your husband might also have health challenges.

Let me start by saying this, that a man has an erection, and even ejaculates during sexual intercourse does not mean he’s normal or fertile. In fact, what you see during ejaculation is semen, not the sperm. The sperm travels in the semen and cannot be seen with your naked eyes.

The man could have:

  • Sperm production problems/low sperm count
  • Blockage of sperm transport
  • Hormonal problems
  • Sperm antibodies, etc.

A man’s fertility generally relies on the quantity and quality of his sperm [not the semen]. If the number of sperm a man ejaculates is low or if the sperm is of a poor quality, it will be difficult, and sometimes impossible for him to cause a pregnancy.

Don’t always feel sorry, and don’t take all the blames. As much as you’re trying to get pregnant, be sure that your husband isn’t the cause of your inability to make babies.

Both of you should go to the hospital, see a doctor and have yourselves tested. Who says men are always fertile?

Let’s talk about the man you should marry.

I’ve counselled a good number of women, both singles and married, trust me, you should not make the mistake of marrying some kind of men.

#4. Don’t marry a violent man, don’t!

Don’t think he’s going to change. Don’t think he’s going to get better.

You must determine how a man reacts to issues before you say yes to him. If you don’t and you rush yourself into marriage, you are surely going to pay for it.

You must do everything possible to know how he responds/reacts to issues. It’s your marriage’s lifeline. It determines whether or not you’d enjoy your marriage, it can even tell if you’d live long or die early.

Who says you won’t always step on his toes or get things wrong?

If you’ve never seen him angry, then you’re not ready for marriage.

If it takes deliberate actions to figure it out, please do it. Push him, push him and push him! I know what you’d be thinking… You caused him to react… Well, yes! You did.

Whether or not you caused him to react, under normal conditions, that’s how he’s going to react, with or without your deliberate input. People are only responsible for their own reactions and NOT people’s action. So, it’s not about your pushing him.

Don’t marry a man who cannot control his anger. Don’t marry a man who’d for any reason raise his hands against you, don’t even marry a man who disrespects you.

I’ve seen women lose their lives to violent men. I’ve seen it severally. And the worst thing is the societal dogma that says women should stick there and make it work. Well, definitely not with a violent man.

If he becomes too violent, move out of his house for good! You don’t have to die because you must stay married. He’s going to get married again when you’re buried.

Don’t die for marriage, live for it.

Let me also sound this very loud; beware of men who see women as objects of any kind, men who are overly domineering and men who are never wrong or subjective.

He says, “I’m the man, I choose whether or not to say I’m sorry.” Even when he’s wrong and you’re hurt and you beg him to apologise to you? Fire him! And don’t look back.

#5. You must learn to ask deliberate key questions.

Ladies don’t seem to know how to ask key questions before marriage, I think it’s the reason many of them get shocking situations after marriage.

The first question you ask a man who is taking you out on a date is his motive. It is important you know. And if he’s asking whether you’re going to marry him, then ask him why he wants to marry you.

Now, this is very crucial. You should know why he wants to marry you, and if he cannot give you a concrete answer, then he’s most likely not going to be a good husband. If he has no strong reason for desiring to marry you, then he’d be able to dump you or divorce you without giving it a second thought.

Ask your prospective husband if he has a job. Ask him what his monthly income is. You should know what he thinks about family finances – does he expect that you contribute 50% of the total spending? Does he expect that you hand over your salary to him and ask him for money as your needs arise? Does he have some savings? Is he indebted to a lot of people? You should know if he can start a family.

Ask him if his parents are still together. Ask him if he believes in divorce.

You should know!

Does he believe in your career? Would he support it?

How many kids does he want? Is that what you want too? What if you don’t have any child, how would he handle it? You should also know his family history. You should know how they treat women.

#6. You should marry a real man and not a big boy.

Now, let me explain.

Boys cry to mama, men take care of their problems. Boys take orders, men give orders. Boys are emotionally unstable, men are emotionally stable. Boys are immature, men are mature.

A man leaves his parents and cleaves to his wife. A big boy still takes orders from home about how to run his family even after marriage. Well, take it or leave it, it will ultimately hurt your marriage.

If you’ve had more than one relationship, you’d understand this better. Treating Mr. A the way you treated Mr. B mostly won’t work, and leaving Mr. C for Mr. D still won’t make you happier [it’s different strokes from different folks]. Different people build different dynamics and that’s the reason it’s useless to compare relationships or marriages.

A man who takes order or tips from his family or friends on how to rule his home would ultimately destroy it.

Don’t marry a man who will have to ask mama for instructions before taking action. Don’t marry a man who will ask his mum how to treat you and your family members. Don’t marry a man who will abandon you on the bed deeply ready for action and would run to answer mama’s call. He’s still a boy, he’s just a big one.

#7. You must work hard to build a quality life and ultimately be financially independent.

This is the most important of all. Don’t be the woman who thinks her sole responsibility is making babies. Don’t be the woman whose selling point is her body. Don’t be the woman who depends on the man for everything.

Develop yourself as much as you can. Go back to school if you need to. Take professional courses if you have to, learn a special language if you need to. Whatever happens, just don’t put your life on hold for anything.

Women often make the mistake of quitting their jobs just before or after marriage. They soon realize it’s a big mistake. Don’t quit your job unless it’s extremely necessary.

As much as you’re a good cook, a good wife, master on the bed, you should also do your best not to stop working on your career.

Men respect sound women. Men listen to smart women. Men are more attracted to women who would make a meaningful contribution to the well-being of the family.

Make the right choice, stay informed, be different, make your life count, you can!

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