By Paul Lawal on
A Man Or A Father: Which Are You? – By Hlo Cebekhulu
As Father’s day drew near, I was thinking of how great our men are, how they shape the world by their way of life. I thought about how dry and boring the world would be without them. You know, it’s always great when you have a good man in your life, either as a father or husband. They brighten up your life and make it glow. They jealously guard and guide you, meet your every need and put a permanent smile on your face. A woman’s best can only be seen when blessed with a good man.
That raises great questions: do we still have good men around? Do we still have men who believe so much in family values and ties and who would give their lives for it? Do we still have men who would keep their homes and make their marriage work, against all odds? Do we still have faithful men?
It appears to me that we have more men who are simply interested in making women pregnant than those who really care about their wives and children. The last few years, astonishingly have recorded more men abandoning their families for lame reasons. This has subjected a lot of women, especially in Africa to pain and unnecessary burden. This has also wrecked the lives of many young people, and ultimately, ruined their future.
Any man can father a child but it takes a real man to be a dad. They say a father is a son’s first hero and daughter’s first love. But for some of us this is just another saying. Many young people really do not enjoy the presence, love and the guidance of their father.
To Think Like A Man, You Have To Be A Man
“Mothers play an important role as the heart of the home, but this in no way lessens the equally important role fathers should play, as head of the home, in nurturing, training and loving their children” said Victotia Secunda
It pains my heart when my son come to me asking for my advice, and after listening he would say “Thank you mom, but I guess you will never understand because you are not a man”. That’s the honest truth; I don’t know how men think because I’m not one. I don’t know what teenage boys daily deal with because I have never experienced it, I have no reference. Though I have played a dual role for the past 17 years and have tried my best in many occasions to think like a man, but the fact still remains that I’m not a man.
Being A Father Is Huge Responsibility
Being a father does not mean paying maintenance (willingly or forced by law). Some even say “Where my sperm goes the cheque follows,” how bad! It also does not mean displaying the picture of your child on social media to show off to the world.
Being a father means loving your child from birth unconditionally, and being prepared to nurture him/her. It means giving up your comforts for your child. It means taking time off and having deep relationship connection with your child. It means listening to his/her dreams and fears and being prepared to walk him/her through. Being a father means supporting, protecting and giving counsel to your child.
Making Money Is Not Enough
21st century parents want relevance. They want to work hard and attain great positions. And in the process, leave their children at the mercy of house helps and relatives. And that is how the future of some children get destroyed. A lot of dangerous things happen when parents close their eyes to the upbringing of their kids.
More than money, you need to have time for your children. You need to know what they know and what they do. You need to know who they hang wit and where they go. You just can’t assume you have good kids, you need to be certain.
Live For Your Kids
When couples divorce or when the man leaves the woman to raise a child, the effect will always be seen. The space of the man cannot be covered by the woman, no matter how hard she try. And when young folks are allowed to make choices for themselves, parents expose them to great dangers.
The best they have is their friends, and the best they would learn is what they see their friends do or what internet /TV teaches them. That explains why ladies whose parents’ divorce have the predisposition of divorcing. And ladies who were born out of wedlock tend to also have babies out of wedlock. Young men from such backgrounds get involved in drugs and criminal acts.
Studies have shown that marital dysfunction is the major antecedent of social vices. That suggest that almost all the prostitutes, armed robbers, smokers, drug addicts and heavy drunkards are folks who do not have sufficient parental care.
Let Them Live
As much as we know the dangers in divorce and single parenting, some situations are however beyond control. Now, if you’re a divorcee or a single parent, here’s what you ought to do in order to help your children live a normal life, as much as possible:
1. Do not prevent your ex husband or wife from seeing the kids. The two parties should be given equal opportunities to meet with the kids and show them love. This in itself will go a long way. It will make the children, at least feel the warmth of both parents, and perhaps, learn from them.
2. Do not neglect and abandon your children after you divorce their dad or mum, saying you want to have a life of your own, and that the kids should find their bearing in life. Some parents would abandon their kids, simply because they want to re-marry.
3. Don’t give these children to people you don’t know, some so called uncles or aunts to raise. We have seen some of these people maltreated, enslaved and subjected children to hard labour, abused them and introduced them to drugs, prostitution, robbery, etc.
4. Be there for your kids. As much as you want another life for yourself, you must also think of your kids, especially if they are in your possession or care. You should think of their future and have them in your plans. Be proud of them, make them happy and show them love. After all, they are not the reason you divorced their dad or mum.
To All Great Men
All is not doom and gloom – we still have men who are great fathers and I Salute Them. Fatherhood is all about commitment, dedication, love, care and guidance. It can never be bought. We can all make a difference in the life of our children if we work together to raise them.
Happy Father’s Day To All Great Men
Question: Would you love to raise your kids the way you got raised by your parents? Share your reasons in the comment box below…