Have you ever wondered why it is so easy for people to do away with you like some piece of trash or withered vegetables? Have you ever been depressed and confused because, after putting in your assumed ‘best’ in an endeavour, you end up losing out woefully? Does it bother you that you’re not as desirable as you would have loved to be? When I talk ‘desirability’, I certainly do not mean sexiness. No, it goes way deeper than that.

True, no one is indispensable, but I make bold to assert that some are more significant than others. Why this is so is not far-fetched to the critical mind. While some people take giant strides to improve on the quality of their persons, others take life as it comes, no need to struggle, work hard, or learn more. ‘At least, God has made provisions for us all to survive, they whimsically say. Some others who are terribly lax about their personal development tell anyone who cares to listen, ‘ I am just the way I am, anyone who knows he has something to do with me or who wants to marry me would just have to take me as I am.’ Hmm, I sigh deeply.

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Listen up, there has never been a time, when stagnancy ever held any appeal to anyone. Whether to the lowly of mind, humble in spirit, or meek in disposition, plaidness just doesn’t sell. Talk about great minds, classy characters, or resourceful souls, you really have to be on top of your game to attract any serious attention.

A lady who is a member of one of the Pentecostal Churches that we have in Nigeria once complained to me about the situation in her church. ‘Our church authority keeps expecting us, i.e. the sisters to marry in the church.

Marry in the church, marry in the church, they say. But, these brothers, I mean our own brothers are just not coming! They keep going outside the church to marry and then bring these sisters from outside into the church, leaving us to our fate. I wonder who the church leaders expect us to marry.’

As I listened to her lament on and on, several thoughts sifted through my mind. Some of them are relevant here, and I’d talk about them out for your benefit.

Take a break and answer these questions about yourself. Who are you? What is your identity? What is your personality like? Do you really know who you are? A lot of people are confused about who they are, and of course, since this confusion is very apparent to the people they relate with, they give off bad signals.

People see these confused ones as people with complexes, people who have no idea where they belong, people who feel and act threatened around everyone and anyone that appears to question the fake identity they have woven for themselves. In effect, you know what happens, people don’t want to be with such people…they excuse themselves, one way or the other.

The next question is just as important: How valuable are you? What are you made up of? What values do you add to the lives of people who spend their time and lives with you? Someone told me after our first meeting. ‘Blessing, when I meet people for the first time, I make up my mind within 5 minutes whether I want to be with them again…’ Why is this so? Serious people do not spend time with people who have nothing to give…people who just suck and suck without replenishing one bit… No!

If you’re someone who is lacking in character, skills, aptitude, understanding, information, support, etc., you may find it difficult to attract a certain set of people to your cycle.

The next set of questions also beg to be answered: What aura do you give off? Are you the type that dresses shabbily? Do you always carry around an air of despondency as if you bear all the problems on earth on your heavy, drooping shoulders? Do you complain a lot? Are you an encourager or a discourager? Beware! Negativity kills your desirability like nothing else.

Finally, ask yourself, ‘am I developing?’ At what pace am I growing? Here’s a quick test you can judge your performance with: If you have an ex that left you two years ago or thereabout, are you still on the same spot you left each other? Or have you become better, smarter, more informed? I tell you, if you are better, you stand a better chance of having him/her wish they had you all over again.

Desirability is not by magic, you work for it. Think about anyone you’d give anything to be with or just speak to, you’d discover that they are people who take time to develop themselves.

Discover your tide, and ride it like your life depends on it. Remember, your desirability affects the options you have at your disposal… Think!

Leave a comment: What trait(s) instantly would make someone pleasing to you?

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