How To Handle Offensive Comments Without Being Broken
Anything can break if enough pressure is applied.
Here’s how not to get broken by rude and offensive comments.
In my last post I discussed 4 Facts You Should Know About Feedback And Why You Should Mind What People Say. I think you need to see that post first. Read it here now!
First, you need to understand there’s a big difference between disagreement and disrespect. While the former leads to improved performance, the latter causes a decrease in function.
When I wrote my FREE book, 7 Acts of Great Relationships, [Download it here now. It’s still FREE!]. It had a lot of feedback. People mailed me, some called and others reached out to me on social media; they told me how fantastic the book is. They told me how it positively affected their relationships and how immensely the book imparted them. You know that feeling, I’m sure.
After some time, some people began to say heartbreaking things like, “I don’t like the book”, “I don’t agree with you on XYZ”, “I am disappointed at your assertions on ABC”, and “The book is a total crap!” And other knife-cutting-statements.
I’m sure you’ve had to deal with such people at one time or another in your life. Some statements, if you’re not careful would make you question your art.
You Don’t Need Disrespectful Comments.
Life is full of people who only have eyes for faults and a mouth for condemnation.
Funnily, such people would never start anything worthwhile like writing a book, starting a blog, owning a business or making a difference. They don’t even have the gut to try anything new on their own because they fear they are not good enough, yet, they are always the first to criticise anything! They have problems for every solution, imagine!
Those who spend their time looking for faults in others usually make no time to correct their own ~ Art Jonak
What You Need Is A Solution
There was a time something went wrong with my website. I didn’t know people were unable to Download My FREE Books. At another time, they were unable to Subscribe To My Newsletter! It was feedback that helped me. People reached out to me and I quickly fixed the problem.
Feedback is wonderful. Actually, you need it to stay alive. I ask my wife from time to time what she thinks about key areas of our life. I use her feedback to work on our relationship. I ask my newsletter subscribers what they’d like to know or read. I use their feedback to make more engaging posts. I get feedback on what’s not working well on my website and I use it to improve my website’s performance.
We all have blind spots and we need other people to help us see clearly.
However, do we need heartbreaking or derogatory comments? Do we need faultfinders in our life? For example, do we need people to tell us they don’t like us or our art? Do we need people to tell us what we do is total crap?
3 Steps To Identify Derogatory Comments:
- The person
Who commented?
- A person who wants to help you improve your performance
- Someone you perceived wants to demoralise you.
2. The Motive
What does the person hope to achieve?
- The person wants to help you grow and be more productive.
- The person is trying to kill your spirit or just wants to embarrass you
3. The Result
What would the information do for you?
- It will give you insight on how to work smarter/achieve better results
- It will add nothing to you but suck out your positive energy.
You don’t need the 2s. Take note.
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3 Ways To Respond To Rude Comments.
- Ignore Them
If you have platforms where you interact with people every so often and you express yourself through your art, then you will meet folks who would drive you crazy with their words. I’ve had enough contact with these people to know that one effective way to deal with them is just to IGNORE them. You know the maxim; silence is the best answer for a fool, right? That’s it.
- Politely Tell Them It’s Not Needed.
People expect more from you the moment you step forward to be a leader, a voice or a difference maker. They expect you to have a higher level of thought and ways of addressing issues. It’s not out of place.
Since I can’t yell, fight, or say hurting or insulting words, I just say “It’s not needed!” When next someone gives you negative feedback, just tell them it’s not needed! It means they don’t have to say it and you don’t need it.
- Politely Ask Them To Start Their Art.
It’s funny that I wrote a book and someone said he doesn’t like it, or that my work is total crap. I mean, what am I supposed to say to him? How am I even supposed to respond to it?
I think it’s just best to acknowledge that he said he doesn’t like me or my book or my work, and then tell him to write his book or start his work of art.
Finally
It’s important to know that not everyone will like what you do. So, don’t wait for the world’s approval. Appreciate those who encourage you and make sure your work is not crap! Feedback is a gift; accept it, but not when it’s harmful or demeaning.
Leave feedback: Have you ever had to deal with negative feedback in the past? How did it feel and how did you respond/react to it?
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