How To Practically Restore Passion and Intimacy When Your Relationship Seems To Grow Weak
I used to hear people say ‘True Love Never Dies.’ But, my question to such people is; how do you define true love? Are we saying all failed relationships are the product of imitation love? I think it would not be right to say that. What makes sense to me is this; love is not enough to keep two people together.
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Here’s The Truth:
Love would not always be strong and interesting. Love, sometimes, could grow weak and fall sick. Love could bleed and could even die. Ever wondered how two lovers become foes with steaming hatred? Ever wondered how some marriages get very bad and couples choose to divorce?
Why Do Lovers Fall Out Of Love?
Well, there’s no simple answer to that question. But little things often go a long way in relationships. Little things like ignoring your lover’s feeling.
Let Me Tell You A Story
Recently I noticed the very strong connection I have with my wife was gradually getting eroded. Let me try to explain what I mean.
You can physically be with someone and not feel or connect with the person. You can be on the same bed with your spouse, yet, feel lonely.
Sometimes the invisible power of love and the consciousness of being loved and desired that resides in, and warms your heart would fluctuate. That does not mean your spouse does not love you, but you just are not feeling your spouse.
Now, when you stop feeling your lover or spouse, it’s a sign that your relationship or marriage needs attention. The reason is that there cannot be ordinary moments and your heart cannot be void- if your lover cannot ‘fill’ your heart, someone else will, it’s only a matter of time.
Great relationships and marriages fail because someone failed to attend to little things. Mind you, There’s no such thing as “little” in relationships. Everything matters! Yes, everything!
Dealing with emotions is the hardest lesson man will ever learn. Most great doctors, lawyers, mathematicians, etc. have failed marriages. They are good at logic but bad with understanding emotions.
Why Did I Stop Feeling My Wife?
Connecting with people, which in a simple way “feeling” them is a two-way thing. In as much as you’re trying to be with them, they also have to be available, they must reciprocate. Otherwise, you’d be frustrated.
The bottom line is that my wife suddenly became “unavailable.” I explained that earlier.
She got ill four weeks ago and had to take a sick leave from her place of work. She started feeling better after a week. Because she had had more time at home with friends on social media and had started her favourite TV programmes, her routine automatically changed.
I get home from the office late in the evening and my wife would either be seeing her favourite programmes or would be on social media with her pals. She’d quickly serve my food and would return to keep herself busy.
I sleep often around 9 pm, but my wife would join me at around 1 am. And nothing would stop her from sleeping once she’s ready to sleep.
I started feeling neglected after a week. You see, nothing is worse than that in a relationship. That single feeling is just enough to make things go bad if not well managed.
I knew my wife wasn’t cheating with anyone, neither was she doing anything bad. But she didn’t give me the attention I crave.
I spoke with her and she saw reasons for what I said. But she didn’t change much. Then I decided to ignore her as well. But I asked myself; will ignoring her actually get me what I want? The answer is NO. So I decided to use another approach.
Your first lesson: Negative reactions will NOT get you positive results. And, there’s always more than one way to get what you want per time.
Here’s What Changed Everything:
Rather than wait for her to give me attention, I commanded it. But I didn’t force it. She gave it to me, freely. Let me tell you what I did differently.
Generally, people will give anything for that which they crave to have.
I decided to do three things, all in just a week:
#1. To take up a project she earnestly wanted to complete.
#2. To buy her gifts every day, for one week
#3. To buy her ‘Suya’ and Ice cream [she loves to take them] Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
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People are naturally selfish. The easiest and only way to make them care about you is to first prove that you care about them. It’s the same in relationships.
The Result Was Magical!
First, our discussions changed from trivial generalised happenings to her passion and interest. She gave me her undivided attention. She would call me severally at the office to know how well I was doing and to know how far I was going with her project. She also would call to give me information.
And on getting home, she would start talking to me from the car and would not even allow me get enough rest.
The gifts melted her like candle wax. My wife practically cried. She’s very emotional, and expressional too.
We started being together again. Our hearts came alive again. We became conscious of each other’s needs again. And our relationship was fully restored.
Again Your Lessons:
It’s your fault if your lover is looking outside your relationship for anything. Yes, it’s because they are not getting it from your relationship. In my case, it was attention my wife needed. The same thing I wanted. But she turned to TV and friends.
Now, the only way you’d restore your relationship is to do what your lover loves. Give them what they want, especially if you’re married. Your happiness resides in your lovers’ and you’re not gonna get it if you don’t make them happy. And this is not about being the man or the woman. You can single-handedly change your relationship.
I hope it helps.
Let me know what you think. You can also ask me questions if you have any.
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