Relationship Seventh-Sense: The Only Way To A Lasting Relationship
You desire a great relationship, don’t you? That was needles, I know.
We all long for amazing relationships, but we don’t always have it. In fact, most relationships suck. I hope yours is flawless.
In this post, I’d teach you the simple day-to-day actions that guarantee a blissful relationship. Some of them might not be the conventional practices you’re familiar with, they however have predictable [the right] results.
I’m going to start by sharing a story with you, and afterwards tell you how it affects your relationship. You should pay a close attention to the story below…
A man who had gone on a far journey after two weeks returned home. With excitement, his wife, on seeing him from afar rushed to him and received him with a hard hug. She felt happy to have seen her husband.
She would not even allow him sit before she started to gist him about everything that happened while he was away, obviously she missed him. And after they discussed for about an hour, he went into his room to shower and change to something comfortable.
Suddenly he got out of his room and started yelling at his wife…
“You know I’m affected by dust and you know how fast I react to it. You know what damage it could cause me. How… how could you not clean my room before my arrival? How could you? Do you see how dusty my room is?
You did the same thing the last time I travelled – you claimed you were ill and regardless of my long hours of driving, I had to clean it myself. What exactly is wrong with you, Catherine? What’s the matter with you?
You see, I’m tired! I’m tired of you. I’m sick of having to complain every time! What good woman acts the way you do?
Come right into my room! Come and see how dusty the room is”.
Without saying a word, Catherine moved quietly into her husband’s room and stood by the door. She looked everywhere, and in a gentle tone, she said, “Honey, but there’s no dust everywhere. At least, not the way you described it. I’ve been cleaning your room since you travelled; I still had it cleaned this morning.”
He walked briskly into the room and looked confused. “But, there were dusts everywhere just now.” He said to her.
“Sweethea…” Before she would put her words together, there was the sun, shining by the window and the rays from the sun revealed some particles… But just by the window!
Catherine looked at her husband and said, “Sweetheart, these particles by the window will always be there [as long as the sun shines at the window the way it just did], no matter how hard we clean this room. You should understand, however, that, it’s not visible at every angle in this room, it depends on where you stand.”
The man looked at his wife, felt sorry and apologised for blaming her wrongly.
She communicated her forgiveness by giving him a hug… She smiled and said, “You misinterpreted the whole thing and I owe you an explanation. I’m not mad at you, my love”.
How does the story affect your relationship? I’m going to tell you shortly.
First, you should understand that your life generally is formed by 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.
Below Are 7 Takeaways We Can Learn From The Story.
#1. Your main relationship problem is HOW you see your relationship problems.
There are no fixed explanations to life’s challenges, activities or events. The meaning we get is what we attach to them.
What’s your interpretation of Catherine’s husband action? I’m sure it must be negative. But Catherine thinks otherwise. That’s the reason she wasn’t angry and it was evident in her reaction.
If you learn to attach positive meaning to seemingly negative events, it would work wonders in your relationship and in your life generally.
Catherine’s husband practically insulted her. For me, he said too much. But Catherine said it was a ‘misunderstanding’ and she was willing to clear his doubt. How smart!
#2. Our translation [response/reaction] of events or activities is more of our personalities than the facts from those events
Were there reasons for Catherine to get mad at her husband? Absolutely! Did she get angry? Not by any means!
What if she got angry too? After all, it was a false accusation. Let’s leave that to your imagination.
The reason Catherine didn’t get mad at her husband was because she’s naturally a peaceful woman. And forgiveness was easy for her because it makes her feel happy not to be emotionally indebted to anyone.
If you live with people, chances are that you will always be offended. But if you get angry every time people make you angry, you are NOT angry because people actually get you angry, you’re angry because you have anger in you.
People cannot bring out of you what you don’t have in you. Besides, you’re responsible for your actions.
#3. What we see is determined by where we stand.
Each time we change our position, our viewpoint is altered.
Perspective is everything! It’s like the nose; we all have it, differently.
You see in part, based on where you stand, and it’s the same with your lover. Therefore, you cannot see everything or understand everything. At least, not from your lover’s standpoint.
If you stand where you always see the particles, you might always act like Catherine’s husband. Sometimes you need to change where you stand so the particles become invisible.
Instead of focusing at the window where the particles are, you might want to focus on how neatly arranged the room is.
You should always look for the good in your lover… It will fuel your love and keep your relationship burning.
#4. How we feel is determined by what we focus on [not necessarily by the events around us].
In a re-statement, our focus determines our feeling, and our feeling determines our action. Feeling and action are directly proportional and are pivoted on our mental focus.
Catherine’s action was positive after her husband’s hurtful words. It shows her feeling was positive. And that could only be possible because her mental focus was positive.
I can imagine that while Catherine’s husband was raving, rather than focusing on how derogatory his words were [which certainly would demoralise her], she focused on the fact that her husband misunderstood her, therefore, she owe him an explanation and nothing else matters.
You can always choose how you feel by changing what you focus on, and consequently, what meaning circumstances bring. Attaching positive meaning to negative events is a great way to trick the mind and stay cool.
#5. In order to see what your lover sees, feel what they feel and understand why they do what they do, you must stand where they stand.
Empathising is something lovers don’t often do, yet, it’s important for the health of relationships.
What if Catherine had refused to go in with her husband? How would she have seen the particles? How would she understand her husband’s complaints?
Most relationships get destroyed because couples don’t really understand each other’s true needs.
Your lover might NOT communicate well when they express their displeasures, or when they vent. They might say hurtful words to you. But, you must listen beyond what they say and understand their concerns.
You may have reasons to feel offended by their words, but if you do, if you always do, it will kill your relationship. When your lover’s anger gets your angry always, then bad things would happen.
#6. Controlling your emotion is the most important part of relationships.
Maturity is one’s ability to control himself. And anyone who cannot control himself cannot control anything. In fact, people who cannot restrain themselves should not go into relationships.
Do you react every time the need arise?
Are you in the habit of hurting people when you feel hurt?
Can you say ‘I’m sorry’ even when you are not wrong?
Can you overlook wrongs?
Can you forgive and connect back almost instantly?
Catherine hugged her husband just after he insulted her.
#7. Better to ask questions than make assumptions.
There are many people out there like Catherine’s husband. They’d make assumptions rather than ask questions and get clarity.
If something is wrong with your lover, ask questions.
If your lover make moves you don’t understand, ask questions.
If you see or hear something that could harm your relationship, ask questions.
If your lover starts to act funny, ask questions.
Don’t link one event with another, or associate one action with a previous one. You should deal with issues independently as they arise.
You might end up being the fool Catherine’s husband was, if you always fail to ask questions.
I hope you find this helpful?
Let me know what you think in the comment box below.