Someone asked me on Facebook last week, “Paul, what’s your take on online dating? Is it morally right? And how can one safely date online?”

I wasn’t expecting the question. Initially, I was thrown off guard. “What sort of question is this?” I asked myself. I quickly did something that helped me; I wanted to be sure who the person was, so I checked her Facebook wall in order to have background knowledge of her kind of person. Well, what I found wasn’t bad.

I saw a young and attractive woman in her twenties. She was an absolute bombshell – a real knockout. I glanced over at her other pictures to be sure she was the same person. But I wasn’t sure I’ve met her.

“Do I know you?” I asked her.

“Paul, it’s me, Jacqueline” [not her real name]. Turns out, she was a 24-year old neighbour of mine!

I was floored. She’s all grown now, looking extremely gorgeous! Why would Jacqueline want to date online? Then it occurred to me that meeting people can be just anywhere!

We were told it’s evil to date online – it leads us astray, it’s ungodly, it’s deceitful, it’s a sin… Don’t do it, we were sternly warned! But we were lied to. Trust me, it was all lies!

I’m not going to argue and fuss about this; I’m only going to tell you what I know. And I’d begin by asking you a couple of questions.

We don’t have ghosts online, do we? It’s the same folks we have offline who are right there online. The same people who are in our worship places, our community, our homes… They are the same people we have online.

Do we have cheats, liars, prostitutes, abusive people, gold diggers, and ungodly folks in our communities, our homes, around us, and even in our worship centers? Did you say yes? Of course!

Are There Good People Online?

Yes, we sure have good people online.  Not everybody online certainly can be bad. I do however know that most people online fake their identity, which is not uncommon amongst humans. Even off-line, many people still pretend.

You can meet your partner anywhere; in a shopping mall, in you school, at a meeting of any kind, in worship places, and even online! And yes, it’s not wrong to date online. You only have to be very careful, I explained to her.

The first success step in every relationship is to know what you want. Know who you want and who you never will consider as an option. If you miss it here, you will as well miss it in off-line relationships.

Look Out For Intentions

A lady told me she gets at least one person, daily, who wants to date her online. Some of these folks just want to sleep with her [many of them actually], some of them mere want to have fun online, and some would have good intentions.

Right from the word “Hello,” you know some people are not just it. And after a few conversations with others, you would tell if you are to ignore or block them completely. You need to place people where they belong. And this is also important in off-line relationships.

Pay Attention Those Who Truly Get Your Attention

There are people online who would get your attention and keep you engaged. That’s cool, it happens in offline relationships as well. The first thing to do here, however, is to check their wall. Look at their posts and the kind of conversations they engage in, also, the kind of comments they make.

The next thing is to check the friends they mostly relate with. This also will give you ideas about who your new friend is.

You should have normal discussions – ask questions and find out everything you need to know. It’s key to state here that every new relationship (not just online relationships) need time, enough.

Get Offline

Then next thing is to transfer your online relationship off-line. You need to meet one on one. And the best place to meet for the first time is an eatery. The best time to do this is between 9am and 4pm.

Don’t get clouded by night or flash lights, and it’s important NOT to meet him in his house or in unfamiliar places. Meet him in a busy public place, and if you’re not comfortable walking alone, you can decide to go with a friend. A male or female friend would do. Your friend would have to excuse you both when it’s time to talk.

Look at him or her well so that you’d be sure he’s the type you can flow with, walk with and be proud of. If he’s not what you want, you don’t have to see him again. Just keep the friendship online.

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Get Serious

If he’s the type you desire, congratulations! Then you take it a step further. Do your background checks, talk about everything. Ask him all the questions on your mind and be certain he’s the person he claims to be. This however will not be possible in a week or a month. You need TIME to be sure and to figure things out.

Take things slowly, yeah, don’t rush. If he’s yours, he won’t go anywhere. And if he’s not, nothing on this earth will keep him.

Pray about it and be certain you’re led to him. Who knows? He might just be the person you’ve been waiting for.

Get Together

Let me state it here that I know people who met online and are happily married. And I also know folks who met offline, some, even in worship centers and are not enjoying their homes. It suggests to me that what defines a marriage is not where people meet, but What They Do and how easily they Resolve Conflicts.

Here’s my answer to every Jacqueline out there with similar question: it’s not wrong to date online. You only need to be careful.

Speak Your Mind: What do you think about online dating?

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